It was a world of anorexic topheavy nymphomaniacs

It was a world of anorexic topheavy nymphomaniacs and developmentally delayed overmuscled bullies. Luckily, I had a secret weapon. My mind. With just a twitch of

my sexy mustache & a few wise words, I had them all running to me. My mustache was long, lush & excreted phermones whenever I smiled. No matter that I had no teeth & suffered from

necrotic Halitosis, Hyperhidrosis, explosive bowel syndrome, erectile dysfunction and alien tongue syndrome, I was a lady yoga magnate! I wore a loincloth and sat crosslegged

on a platform of razor blades levitating 18 inches above a swimming pool filled with boiling hydrofluoric acid. All sorts of sharp objects pierced my miserable flesh, and insects

Except in this story, they tracked my homing device and the Medivac helicopter whisked me away to a secret MASH unit where they turned me into a mega-mech out for revenge. And so,

yaddah yaddah yaddah, I assassinated the presidents, all of the presidents ever, destroyed their armies, defeated The Hulk, and when everything was destroyed, I was still full of

beans so I whipped up a batch of fluffy scones for my tea. I spied movement through my lace curtains. It was The Hulk's mum & she looked mad as hell. I dived behind my chintzy sofa

and hit my head on the corner of the fax machine. Blood gushed out. The Hulk's mom ran over, she turned green and huge, but instead of getting mad, she became super nurturing.

It was really kind of awkward, seeing someone that steroidal being that overbearing. Then she got upset when the blood turned out to be ketchup and the device a faux machine.