He walked down the street with a snake around

He walked down the street with a snake around his neck. He really wanted to be noticed. It was an invitation to address him and ask about his snake, but

somehow the anaconda he rented from the sexy saleslady at "snakes are us" was not having the same effect as the terrier he rented the week before. The woman would see him, cross ov

er to the other side of the street. "Hey ladies! Check out my Python!" Nobody fell for his pick-up line and the snake kept escaping its leash. Maybe, if he walked an ostrich, then

he could figure some euphemism equating a neck to his penis. Then he considered a giraffe. "Hey ladies, he'll teach you how to swallow." That line actually WORKED. I hate SoCal.

cray cray. It's part of So Cal culture...really rather adorbs. But whatevs. I think I might be the only normal one in Silicon Valley, a detriment when it comes to

well sometimes I touch my myself with vegimite

Then my dog peanut gets jealous and gives me a hand

y piece of life advice. My dog, Peanut said "Maybe instead of going on yet another late night taco run you could stay home & finish that novel." I was surprised to hear Peanut talk

Normally Peanut speaks to me in spanish, so I was confused. So instead of running to the border to grab a MexiMelt, I turned to my smith corona, & began to type "Call me Ishmael."