"I'll have the large dzik," Jane said, looking

"I'll have the large dzik," Jane said, looking up from the menu. "With extra sour cream."

Having made neither heads nor tails of a single menu item I randomly picked two. "Um, for me a Pnuplupple medium rare with a side of Xeauphlgm." "You mean Shöflum Sir?"

I laid cash on the table, "Make it two freak neck!" As soon as the Interplanetary Waiter left, I turned to my date and said, "What the hell did I just order?" Her neck-mouth smiled

, slurped it all into her eye nostrils and belched it out again from her neck orifices. Suddenly, my love for her alien beauty wavered. I concentrated. "I... like the way you belch

After eating homemade black bean soup." She said, "Thanks. I wouldn't eat anyone else's due to acid reflux." She carried Beano, I had noticed. Good emergency stufg, we agreed. Thus

stufg wasn't working, whatever it was. I dropped it in the next can I saw and hopped on the Beano wagon. My mornings were never the same again. My evenings were filled with

gambling and drinking until I couldn't tell the cards apart. Then it was time to retire to my lodgings and waiting for the night to pass. I dreaded mornings because

I was the wake-up caller at a large metropolitan hotel and it's hard to make calls when you can't focus on the number or speak without your head exploding in pain. I don't know why

I drank that liquid nitrogen the night before. I guess when my gf told me.. to chill... I took it literally..... Now I was..... paying for it ....*crackle* *pop* *shatter*