As the family moved into their new three

As the family moved into their new three story home they were told by the moving men about all manner of history, from the indian burial ground the home was built on to the scenic

part of his penis. The tip was mottled and his balls looked like, well, balls which is a visual fiasco however you look at it. But between the corona and balls his penis was

an Alaskan Bull Worm! It was scary, all wiggly, and headed straight for our bungalows. Me and the other villagers taught ourselves kung fu and grabbed our nearest flaming trident.

hand. So we decided to go play hop-scotch in the streets. However, as playing hop-scotch is a difficult task, we all fell over and got run over by a

giant metaphor...or was it a simile? Damned public schools, subjecting him to a very voluptuous and distracting chain of Petticoat Junction-esque schoolmarms from grades 4 to 6.

He couldn't even focus on fractions. The girl in front of him would drape her sun-bleached ponytail on his trapper-keeper. He doodled hearts and poems of devotion until his teacher

noticed. It took him a while to explain the relevance of love hearts to trigonometry. It was not until many years later, though, that he finally paid the price for failing maths.

The spiraling trajectory which lead Flat Stan to Sara the divine curvaceous creature that made his tautly strung heart strings form sine waves. Folding back the last line of a love

story just before Valentine's day, meant he'd made the deadline. Content, Slim leaned back in his chair and treated himself to a fat Habana. His work was done.