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The 2013 National Beard and Moustache Championships

  • The 2013 National Beard and Moustache Championships are a few months away, yet my pirate blackbeard needs work to win. Maybe I can get my parrot, Squawkers, to grow a goatee.

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  • I saw this thing on TV that is supposed to grow your hair super quick, so I got some. I told Squawkers this is our year! I used the hair tonic on him, but it's not 4 feathers.Whoop

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  • s. Maybe this is how God created the platypus? Poor Squawkers was now a mess of once-beautiful feathers and sprouts of human hair from the tonic. Perhaps the zoo could could

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  • somehow capitalize on what was happening, a way to cover up mistakes & instead bring in more visitors. Thus, the Zoo Beard Competition was born. Squawkers the Parakeet grew a nice

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  • goatee. A beautiful green goatee that all the lady parakeets loved. It amazed him how is love live began to change all because of the beard competition. The only problem was

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  • keeping his lovebirds quiet. They couldn't help but repeat his bedtime commands ad infinitum around Squawkers's wife. One night, she found red plumage in his prize-winning beard

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  • . O the agony of betrayal! She stopped eating, sleeping her waking thoughts and sleeping dreams were consumed with revenge. His wife while he was sleeping, cut off Squawkers beard!

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  • First shocked by his wife's appearance, he realized he was courting himself in the mirror. Squawkers job as freak of nature 'The Bearded Womanakete' in the Guilded Circus was endan

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  • gered by his own mirror image. Squawkers' doppelganger was just like him, only freakier, with enlarged caricatured versions of parrot secondary sex characteristics. For example,

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  • two beaks meant twice the--well, I don't need to tell /you/. Nor do I need to ask you to use your imagination! I've seen what you do with parrots, but it's not our place to judge.

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