the deep darkness of this room makes the

the deep darkness of this room makes the best hero's to shiver to run away like a baby. and what do you expect from a real baby to do that cold breeze on my face it makes the hairs

on a grammarian's head turn white. "Just because it's called an 'infinitive' doesn't mean you should use an infinite amount of them," my teacher said. I slept during his lecture on

a bed of nails. My teacher's crap about grammar is useless to me. I am bringing back Vaudville. Yeah I'm only in highschool but I've been waxing up my mustache and using seltzer

to clean out my ears - nobody doesn't like clean ears, after all. That's what Mom used to say, right up until the day we buried her - and after! i can't wait until I bring back

the wax candle to light at her gravesite, wax I had cleaned from my very own ears! She'll love that. Mom always did like homey little touches. Meanwhile, back at the ranch,

cowboys were kicking cocktails over and overall causing trouble. Since mum had gone the ranch had become chaos. Home just wasn't the same anymore. I found an old box of

kimchi and realized its excessive spiciness rendered our home-cooked country dishes as flavorless as my home life had become. The cowboys thought it was a pissing contest.

plans. Worse, the FDA agent was a punner. "Urine trouble now," he crowed. "I KNOW you put pee in your chili. Now I'll get Hank's Honky Tonk Diner shut down for good!" We locked him

in the pantry & drowned him in the butt of urine. He added even more character to our chili & we've just been given a Michelin star, a first for a honky tonk diner!