Vlastomil Ruparkhin really just wanted to

Vlastomil Ruparkhin really just wanted to hang out with friends, eat Russian Cheeseburgers, and play guitar by the river. But one night St. Sergius appeared to him in a dream and

pranced about in velvet purple pants and an open frilly shirt. If anyone was in doubt of St. Sergius' sexual orientation he wan't it to be clear he was a bi-sexual saint

who loved men and women, but mostly men that are like women. As he was dancing, some of the unattractive hair off his gay body got caught in a nail poking out from the desk and he

sniffled, but decided for once to listen to his dad. Vinny (the wussy gay vegetarian man) began downing testosterone-injected meat like there was no tomorrow. Sure enough, Vinny's

appetite was demolished. He puked up all over the floor. The chunks of artificial meat splattered on the floor spelled out the word "TRAITOR" in large capital letters. Vinny got a

big surprise big surprise when he walked into his flat at the end of a long day & surveyed the mayhem. Vinny paused for thought. He'd only hacked into the Pentagon that once at the

science convention. he had no intentions of doing it again - unless absolutely necessary. Seeing the chaos that was his flat, he cursed

the nature of the physical world. "Damn you entropy!" he screamed. A beautiful punk emerged from the bathroom, causing him to shriek. ENTROPY was printed across the chest of her

thermodynamic body! She trudged toward him with a wretched smile, arms outstretched, seeking equilibrium. He melted into a heap of enzymes, finally whispering the secret formula.