After they busted me out of prison I got

After they busted me out of prison I got a mighty grouch on. I used to go around dispossessing people of their 18 Wheelers. After speed eating a "baconator" I point the truck at

at the closest mall and drilled the livestock truck straight into a mall. I was all hopped up on bacon & diesel so the first stop is always Brookstone. Those snooty assholes needed

him in the kneecap and said "learn to be more assertive!". The guy must have had a titanium cap 'cause I think I broke a knuckle. But did I let me see that? No! I was a manly man.

At least, until the asbestos in the old warehouse I worked in got the better of me. Popping a pill into my mouth, I thought back on the days of glamor I lived before Mesothelioma,

as a stand-up comic in south B'more. I called my act "Alive at the Dive," and I offered insightful criticism on hot-button topics like The Panic of 1873, the B.S. of the B&O, and

the irony of why someone would try to start their stand-up comic career in "south B'more."

Everyone knew south Baltimore was the heartland of comedy. The high schools taught comedy to freshmen. The ducks turned themselves into duck soup. And he was saying "knock knock".

"Who's There?" (Dead Silence) He listened closer to the door. "Is this some sort of joke?" KNOCK! KNOCK! "Who's There?" A cow crashed through the door. He thought "An Interrupting

..." Oddly engough despite the humorous alternatives, this ws in fact the last thing that went through is mind as he was sidelined by 2 tons of angry pot roast. The gods laughed