To every man is given the key to the gates

To every man is given the key to the gates of heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell. I didn't know this one I turned the key. I was just curious what I would find when I

opened the antiquated but innocent-looking tin of sardines that my uncle Martin of the late Chelmsworth, England, had bequeathed to me. I had glanced at his notes, but was eager to

sample the antique sardines, so eager that I didn't see the warning Uncle Martin wrote. I crumped the rusted tin open and downed them in one gulp. Belched. THEN I saw

a strange vision of purple fish swimming around the room. I tried to read the note Uncle Martin had written but it appeared to turn into shimmering gold dust in my hands. I vomited

great swirls of pearls. The purple fish ate them and were then eaten by great shimmering squid. My vision started to fade.. Uncle Martin's note said: Go to the cemetery at midnight

Peace and quiet, with only the company of nightingales and the deceased. He stared down at the ember of his cigarette, a countenance of disgust and interest upon his face.

And then, slowly, he ate it. A twinge of pain momentarily erased the expression of disgust, as the burning tip carved a cauterized groove across his tongue, but then it was back. A

glow permeated his body quickly illuminating the trees around him. Staring at him were three large snake-like eyes. The nauseating smell was undescribably bearable. He fainted and

lied there, in the middle of the forest. There was no hope for him ever to leave or survive.