My attendance at the dentist’s office had

My attendance at the dentist’s office had been less than stellar and had left me with a few rotten molars and rancid breath that had put even my dog and me at odds.

Which put me in a bind because I was the Lead Dentist at this Dentists office. But I'd opened my practice in the South and there were a lot of "days off." So I gave up on hygiene

Well, we don't chew them ourselves; we're no contortionists. We actually use albino mole rats specially bred for the task. That's because they

have naturally strong jaws and sharp teeth. The monthly bill for the creatures' upkeep is astronomical, but we make a steady profit, and barely have to lift a finger.

Of course, if we did lift a finger the fucking creature would have our whole damn arms off quicker than you can say "fuck". Not only does it hurt, it sure feels queer when it eats

them. It's kind of like a an itching sensation spreads into your arm, and you're actually aware of it almost melting into a pile of gelatinous goo. Then you feel hot and start to

have an urge to eat a whole box of Mac and Cheese, uncooked, just right out of the box. Your night sweats will be followed by the sense that someone is licking your toes. (Eww)

This is critical: that someone is NOT, I repeat NOT your hypnotherapist. I have never, nor will I again crawl into your bedroom, lift up your flannel sheets & lick your toes. Snap!

She woke up and was no longer afraid of chopsticks. However, in one hour, she would develop ablutophobia at the Chinese buffet when she noticed her unusually clean toes.