I'm dreaming of a White christmas cos I've

I'm dreaming of a White christmas cos I've never seen a white christmas before. It's always been in the movies. someday maybe I'll go to the North pole during Christmas time and th

en I'll see the whitest Christmas ever! I better hurry though, with all the global warming and that. I bet Santa has already his sun lotion and trunks prepared. And the polar bears

are all hopped up on Coke, chocolate, and Skittles so it's an extra fun party up at the Pole right about now. I wanted to really make an entrance when I arrived this year so I

dressed as a penguin, I thought I'd be the only in the costume because everyone knows that penguins don't live in the North Pole, well when I got there, the party was thrown by Coc

o Chanel. I'd misunderstood the "costume party". A 'penguin' was a chic way to say Tux. I was the only 'Only' at the party. An 'Only' is someone whose only there for entertainment

of the rich. I was in a penguin costume at the Presidential Inauguration Ball, thanks to my misunderstanding of current cultural lingo. Obama sat in a corner crying. I waddled

over to the snack table and poured my secret ingredient into the punch. Then I just sat back and waited for the fun to begin.

Everyone's bodies evaporated, track suits and all, except for their Nikes. "Perfect," I said. I would add them to the ones I stole next to the ball pit. No shoes were safe whilst

I, that one monkey with the shoe fetish from London zoo, escaped from the MI5 testing laboratory with their bodily-sans-shoes evaporator. I stole all the shoes I could want until