After I'd used up most of the credit on prank

After I'd used up most of the credit on prank calls, I thought it would be funny to text a message to a random person on the address list. I wrote "Where should I dump the body?"

on a white board by squirting yellow mustard. Then texted a random person to come read what I wrote. I waited and waited. That got me thinking about Ketchup, a big red

d my hot dog bun in the air with my left hand, the international signal for impending battle, then turned my back on my former boss. I assembled my condiment troops quickly,

hastily, indeed -- and my impatience would prove my undoing. "Lieutenant Mayonnaise," I shouted as the assault began in earnest. There was no reply. "Mayonnaise?" "He's not here,

replied Colonel Mustard,"Lieut. Mayonnaise went AWOL with Cpl. Lettuce and Pvt. Bacon."Tell Signal Ofcr. Sourdough to call General Tomato and tell him what a pickle we're in" I sai

D Mean Mr. Mustard in the hole in the road he famously slept in and see what he recommends." They rang Mean Mr. Mustard, who came in through the bathroom window. They drank coffee

he used his silver spoon, he had found it in the bathroom. It offered him protection. Forks never did that for him nor a knife. This spoon did. So he took care of it. He polishes

off a dish of ice cream and he immediately cleans his protective spoon. He doesn't let it sit in the sink dirty, in case he needs its protection from the gamma rays emitted from

the giant mothership. He washed it too hard one day the protection washed right off and while others laughed he was nuts the mothership came and took them all away.