I know what you're thinking. You're thinking

  • I know what you're thinking. You're thinking 'Nope, he doesn't know what I'm thinking. How could he?' But I knew that. I knew you were thinking that I didn't know what you were thi

  • nking, see?" Jimmy's mind tricks surprised me. Heck, Jimmy himself was surprised by his own mind reading skills. That why he enrolled at the School for Gifted People of Professor

  • Cantaloupe. It wasn't an accredited university and had the reputation of being a diploma mill, but Jimmy didn't see any alternatives. He payed the $40,000 tuition for the year that

  • he studied abroad (via Skype) in Food Lion. Jimmy never told his folks that he was on the pre-med fruit track. The prof./manager explained the difference between banana bruises and

  • banana "contusions." The subtle differences in fruit injuries was lost on Jimmy. What he liked to do was dig up rotten fruit and dissect it. Then he thought of making a Fruit Monst

  • er out of the various fruit parts he'd preserved in his collection. The monster had a watermelon cranium, pomegranate compound eyes,dead man's fingers,a banana & two passion fruit

  • knees. This fruit monster had everything on the fruit flies, who were only made from fruit in the "you are what you eat" sense. The farmer's market closed and the monster began

  • to wonder if there was more to life. He hit the supermarket & instead of consuming more fruit he picked up whipping cream, sugar and walnuts. He was evolving into the Waldorf Sta

  • ph Infection. His seeping sores spread like wildfire - and were contagious. Unfortunately, whipping cream and fruit compote was the only thing he had on hand and it was useless to

  • argue about it anymore. He's been so grouchy lately! I covered him in gauze, fed him a bowl of ice cream & we spent the night watching MASH reruns. He died happy.



  1. SlimWhitman Aug 13 2013 @ 23:19

    queitly giggled through this whole fruity story.

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