Once when i was like seven, i squatted on

Once when i was like seven, i squatted on my sisters head and

I let a huge fart rip, but I had forgotten I had eaten the off yogurt hours before and I felt ew in the stomach. I'm sure she didn't appericate what happened next.

Diarrhea began to pour out from inside of me, I seesawed all the way to the bathroom, on my way there though, all of the guests vomited from the putrid stench of it.

the grooms-to-be, a support group for men to discuss how to manage bridezillas, dumb questions about decorations, pre-nups, & ex-lovers who might show up at the wedding. I stood up

and shared my heartbreaking story about how I wanted a small wedding in a register office, but my fiancée was insisting on peonies, sugared almonds & bells. Lots of bells. Groom ab

lowin' said the gnarled old Sea Captain. He officiated at our wedding. Just then my handsome father walked my slack-jawed groom to the alter. They put the nuptial parrot on my shou

lder before declaring us husband ARRRRnd wife. I remember thinking that this Sea Captain, with his two hook hands, peg-leg and an eyepatch, still looked better than my new husband.

But what could I do? Vows had been exchanged and I was determined to be faithful this time. Still, I found myself, late in the night, googling nude images of Captain Hook and Ahab

Lincoln, my husband's long lost brother. Abraham Lincoln divorced me a week later. I forgot to go into incognito mode. And now I'm single once again.