Dinosaurs were the biggest lie. He had worked

Dinosaurs were the biggest lie. He had worked his way to the top of the Smithsonian and knew that it was a shill for the CIA. So what, he finally had his black woman and so

off he went to his Paranoid Racists Anonymous meeting. He lost his job, again - he *was* a cultural dinosaur stuck in a new

He would sometimes enter it and immediately begin talking about something totally unrelated, stirring them into a frenzy; then slipping them an address Chris Hansen was using

as a mailing address. There's nothing more upsetting than having your estranged spouse get access to your confidential mail from your divorce attorney.

Although thinking again, he decided that spilling ketchup down a new shirt is almost as upsetting. He quickly fired up the

DeLorean--he had to go back in time to save himself from pouring ketchup down Elizabeth's shirt. He set the date for today, and the time for

restitution was now. I was beHeinz schedule, no time to con DeMint. Which was unfortunate because I hate that Senator, and it was a Gulden opportunity to make him say "Hell, man."

Instead I needed to Ketch up with Mr. Tard. I relished the opportunity to rub in the fact the Majo-r Vlasic had given the top job at his Hotdog-stand empire to me.

Can you believe it? Me, Pepper Elish, emperor of all the hotdog stands! And yet, something didn't seem kosher (pickle). OMG, I lost the keys!