Dinosaurs were the biggest lie. He had worked

Dinosaurs were the biggest lie. He had worked his way to the top of the Smithsonian and knew that it was a shill for the CIA. So what, he finally had his black woman and so

off he went to his Paranoid Racists Anonymous meeting. He lost his job, again - he *was* a cultural dinosaur stuck in a new

shiny age of open-minded acceptance and he couldn't wrap his mind around it. He enjoyed the Paranoid Racists group, though it wasn't so Anonymous... they all knew him by name.

He would sometimes enter it and immediately begin talking about something totally unrelated, stirring them into a frenzy; then slipping them an address Chris Hansen was using

as a mailing address. There's nothing more upsetting than having your estranged spouse get access to your confidential mail from your divorce attorney.

Although thinking again, he decided that spilling ketchup down a new shirt is almost as upsetting. He quickly fired up the

DeLorean--he had to go back in time to save himself from pouring ketchup down Elizabeth's shirt. He set the date for today, and the time for

Instead I needed to Ketch up with Mr. Tard. I relished the opportunity to rub in the fact the Majo-r Vlasic had given the top job at his Hotdog-stand empire to me.

Can you believe it? Me, Pepper Elish, emperor of all the hotdog stands! And yet, something didn't seem kosher (pickle). OMG, I lost the keys!