If there's one thing I can't stand about

If there's one thing I can't stand about 'Cranky Dave', it's the way that as soon as you've finished eating, he always, and I mean ALWAYS

Plays your tuba. I mean seriously. I payed hundreds of dollars for that thing and he has to go and slather with spit from his greasy lips. Disgusting. So I told him

he would have to pay to have my tuba dry cleaned. I had no use for it while it is covered with spit. It reminds me of the "I love lucy," when she filled a tuba with cheese. But

Ethel wasn't here to come running in the apartment and save the day. No, he was going to have to take care of this sousaphone before

settling down to watch "Real Housewives of Muncie," which followed 5 overweight women in an Indiana trailer park. Sure it was trash TV, but he loved those escapades, especially the

night they all showed up at Jokerz, a local strip club, to try their pale cottage cheese out on the poles. "Real Housewives of Muncie: Club Style" made Snooki's face punch look

like a warm tub of Country Crock. The strip club specialized in women with baggy sweats and missing limbs. You could smell their

stump oil from the parking lot but there was no cover on Tuesdays and I knew the bartender so I could usually get away with finishing any leftover drinks without fear of 86ing. It

turned out, though, that I picked the worst possible night to hang around. A local Mafia Don by the name of Four-eyes Paolo showed up with his aides & entourage, and sat down near