. He didn’t want even the small chance

. He didn’t want even the small chance that you guys would end up together, so when he was choosing the variables, deciding if he should make the world some apocalypse shit hole, h

e wouldn't be the jolly old elf he was today. All that changed in a flash of floodlights. "Come out with your hands up, Santa! We have the house surrounded!" They had caught him!

Santa wasn't always a criminal though. Forcing yourself to be jolly 24/7 and eating all those cookies really messed with his glucagon. 'I'm not going down without a fight!' he thou

thought, as he reached out a mitted hand to clutch the grenade in his giant sack of goodies. Pulling the pin proved to be a chore with mittens on. He bit down on the ring, pulled

hard and chucked it out the open window, and it landed on his boss' truck bed, where it lay for a few seconds. Nothing. That's when he realized he was still holding the grenade, so

what else could he do in that split second but allow his life to flash before his eyes...and pray this moment was all just a bad dream. Then...nothing. When he opened his eyes, he

was still a priest. A priest who wanted out. Their affair started months ago. Could they maintain this bliss after they were married? Would he be doing the right thing? So many

questions. So he called the Pope. "Hi, I'm a Scorpio gay man, been having an affair with a priest, should I wear cerise at our wedding?" Silence. "Purple then?" In a thick Argentin

ian accent, the pope sighed, "As a Scorpio, the moon is rising, so I would choose lavender. Is your fiance a Capricorn?" "Why yes!" said the gay man. "Blessings, next question."