"I always hum Greensleeves when I'm feeling

"I always hum Greensleeves when I'm feeling depressed." said the ugly spotty teenage girl, as she stared at me through her nerdy glasses. "What do you do?" she asked me.

"I walk on the shore of deeply polluted lakes. When I don't jump in, I feel better about myself, my life, and the world." The girl was impressed, but still depressed. I decided

to elaborate. "If I swam in the polluted lake, I'd emerge covered in turds. But turd-free I have the strength of a violent yak." The girl said she'd love to chat more but had to l

eave so she could luxuriate in the shower for the next six hours. What a stinker! It was a fib, but all of this talk of raw sewage was making her feel like she was going to yak.

Thoughts of raw sewage brought back memories of the miley sirus concert she had attended the previous week. Her thoughts were interrupted by a giant panda that burst through the

Den and tell Leo he will be fed something special today. " The Russian tourist said okay. Leo was quite curious as to what this treat was and the tourist said, "I don't know!"

They waited together to find out what Leo's special meal would be. The Russian remarked upon Leo's fine mane. Leo purred contentedly. Then his stomach growled & they both realised

it was no coincidence vodka, caviar and borscht were all on Leo's list of favorite things.The Russian gulped & pictured himself INSIDE the lion."Look, Leo, I'll take you out to eat

fancy pizza sometime. It's more than 2000 dollars a slice. Hehehehe."