At the age of 19 I got busted for statutory

At the age of 19 I got busted for statutory rape. Thing is, I did it, but I was really a pretty innocent kid back then. Up in County I met Little JoJo and Murder Mike who showed me

Embezzlement Evan and Identity Theft Ian. I was honored to be Rape Raul, the newest member of their prison gang. On my first day, I stabbed Ponzi Pablo to death with a toothbrush.

As Ponzi lay choking blood on his cell floor I spat on him. "You're lucky I'm not into guys!" I grinned. "They don't call me Rape Raul for nothing!" I returned to my cell laughing

my head off at my obvious gay prison sex joke and found my celly crying on the toilet. He was sobbing and sniffling. I quickly poured him a cup of Prun-o and asked him

"Why do you weep, my dear companion? Have I offended you with my witty jokes?" As he drank the pruno his eyes started bulging out of his skull and went purple. I told him to finish

only seventeen, just a beauty queen, and his orthopedic surgeon was secretly a super-intelligent sturgeon saying "You need glasses boy, those eyes aren't toys, leave 'em in there!"

Obediently, I put my eyes into a cup that with wires seemed to be connected to a strange looking apparatus. It had tubes leading into it, filled with brightly colored fluids,

not that I could tell, ever since the accident I'd seen the world in black and white. But when the colored liquids flowed into the cups I saw the world with kaleidoscope eyes

and if you've ever looked into a kaleidoscope you'll know what gut-wrenching experience I was faced with. I tried to keep the colours still but they were like soap in the bath.