Day by Day, Night by Night, they told me

Day by Day, Night by Night, they told me to choose I chose to fight, where has it gone what i hold so dear?

It was scared and had taken prozac just two minutes ago.

But lo! The Prozac turned out to be an extract from a legendary, sacred & magical banana and turned our protagonist into an orangutan.

But an orangutan with a vague memory of having been human and how much worse that was. At first he tried to live among other orangutans but he kept misinterpreting what the others

were doing, a terrible leftover from his human days. Unable to exist in either world, the orangutan went deep into the forest, resigned to live alone. His tree-house was built with

he'd won the lottery. I mean, if you win the lottery, you've gotta protect your winnings, amirite? The orangutan accidentally set himself on fire and jumped in the moat, hoping to

put the fire out. But the moat was only two feet deep and he just ended up covered in dirt and wet leaves, looking miserable. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there

and let him rescue me. My soon-to-be prince waded through the boggy water and tentatively lifted me from my bed of spikes; I tried my best not to hold my nose. Our sorry scene was

being filmed and eventually became part of the opening montage for ABC’s Wide World of Sports. We replaced that ski-jumper who crashed and proudly became the new “agony of defeat."