"Com'on Men! Do you want to live forever?"

  • "Com'on Men! Do you want to live forever?" Sarge yelled as we attacked the next pill box. I decided then that I did. I packed up my rifle and bayonet and flagged a taxi.

  • I told the cabbie "take the fast road to Yonkers" My uncle'd asked me to take over the reins at Colt Runabout. I fantasized this to avoid facing my frontline amputation. The nurses

  • all asberger syndrome so they swung all the amputees by their hair and made phantom limb

  • o-line dancing the biggest hit since Foot Loose. Soon, the hospitals overflowed with people who claimed to suffer from Alien limb syndrome, and insisted their feet be removed.

  • Luckily, a good Brazilian wax also would to the trick. The leg tremors subsided within minutes of

  • my defollication. It was a real rip-off though & I was disgusted to see that one particularly stubborn thatch still remained. This would not do. I got out my blow torch.

  • I recycled the Margaret Thatchery for my new invention: Dinnerware gloves for eating slimy, greasy foods. I don't want to help rubbery fried chicken franchises, but it's disgusting

  • to touch a McNugget with your bare hands, and also illegal in 7 states. If only I could patent my gloves, my domination of the culinary fashion industry would be complete. Unless

  • the law has changed, I won't be able to patent anything while the head of the patent office is infected with a brain-destroying virus. I decide to offer my glove patent to Mars

  • Alien Outfitters Corp - it was perfect for keeping their 3-fingered customers hands warm in cool Outer Solar System climates. Now to invent 11 toed socks. It's all go.



  1. Zetawilk Sep 12 2013 @ 12:53

    If you think McNuggets are greasy and rubbery, there's a certain colonel from the southern United States you ought to meet. :j

  2. Chaz Sep 12 2013 @ 13:29

    All KFCs in my territory have been replaced by Popeye's Chicken. My dad said they must be Catholic to have a name like Pope Yes chicken.

  3. lucielucie Sep 12 2013 @ 13:57

    Gotta love a papist conspiracy theory.

  4. lucielucie Sep 12 2013 @ 16:46

    Not that I'm casting any aspersions on your dad, Chaz. I'm sure he's entirely sane.

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