One morning I woke up and noticed that everything

This confused me and I was to lazy to sort it out. I then saw this boy behind me, "who are you?" i asked staying calm "what do you mean you're the one who asked me back to yours?"

The boy behind me said not a word. He chortled. I shouted, "I demand to know who you are!" He said, "I am you 20 years ago." Freakiness pounded in my chest, then it's true

. If the boy behind me was me 20 years ago, that meant the fat bald guy standing in front of me was... No! It couldn't be! I chortled. The fat bald guy turned slowly around

saying, "I am the ghost of you yet to come." I fell to my knees. "The baldness, the obesity, the hellish trousers! Tell me how to change the future!" "You must go to Japan. Fish is

full of mercury in the US. Arrive in Japan on Respect For The Aged Day, carry a God Jesus Robot toy & eat Shirako for 7 days to change your fate," said the Ghost of Me Yet To Come

Around to Relativity and Quantum Mechanics. I was having none of it, Steady State was I, committed, the Fred Hoyle statue in my garden had cost me a bundle. "Change my fate?"

I begged Albert Einstein when I saw him at happy hour later that afternoon. Being Steady State was so mundane. I wasn't really all that steady. I was, in fact, gravitating towards

the Big Crunch. Albert gazed into my Dark Matter eyes and said, "Relatively speaking, you've been my biggest mistake. So I flirted with Hawking who said I'm finite but unbounded

." The audience oohed like a gamma ray burst that'll obliterate the earth in a few months. "Neil! Neil! Neil!" they chanted. "Now for my final thought," Neil de Grasse-Tyson said.