"WARNING: world catastrophe imminent, please

"WARNING: world catastrophe imminent, please proceed to the nearest space elevator and follow directions from there!" The message blared down the empty streets, papers fluttering

imminent. Please seek and locate - to do not deviate - from your nearest space elevator. As the iStores swelled with masses of Apple fans, I boarded a space elevator & pressed "

Go Up." Immediately, the space elevator carried us off into the atmosphere. Everything seemed to be going great until the alarm went off: "Warning: Ejection Imminent." I rushed to

look outside of the elevator and get a glimpse of just how "inter-galactic" we really were. "Umm..hi," I said, tapping the elevator guide. "Do we (cough) get parachutes for the eje

-ctor button?" I asked, not noticing that I had, in fact, pressed said button. "No need," he said as we shot through the elevator ceiling. He grabbed me as huge bat wings sprouted

out of my ears. “What?!? Did you say something?!?” I shouted at my clingy friend. I scratched at my ears. These Batwings make my ears itch.

"I hate those stupid Batwings!" he said. "You look like fucking John Goodman in cosplay"

"I *AM* JOHN GOOODMAN" John Goodman shouted back, almost tearing his skin tight spider-man suit. He really expected a warmer welcome at the San Diego comic con, but as it turns out

the fanboys weren't prepared to forgive him for The Blues Brothers 2000. In pursuit of redemption he was pushing for an Arachnophobia 2: Webs of Extermination.