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Terry was good at really chess. In fact,

  • Terry was good at really chess. In fact, he was something of a prodigy. Of course you'd never know it since

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  • like Yoda he talks. "Be5 R2d2" would have made Bobby Fischer's head explode. He was also good at

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  • checkers, but oddly he could never make a living at that game. His years of high stakes Extreme Checkers barely paid for

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  • the room above his grandparents' garage. He was desperate. He tied his shoelaces together and

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  • waited for him to fall on his face. But he was disappointed after he noticed he was in a wheelchair. How did he miss that?? Oh well, it was time to try something different: he

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  • pushed the wheelchair down a flight of steps. That should do the trick.

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  • Abraca-fuck-you, you disappear. My foot slipped on something unfortunate and the tilt made my fingers and toes ache. Vertigo is a bitch, but falling down steps onto a corpse can

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  • actually be quite comfortable, depending on the cushiness of the corpse. Luckily, this carcass was hefty. It would have been preferable to have a fresher corpse, but I digress.

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  • The best salad tongs are the ones we didn't think we'd be using, but with chances like these, I didn't want to pass up the opportunity to get a leg up on the competition. However

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  • my assistant was an imbecile. He couldn't ladle a mushroom gravy onto a mashed potato to save his life. After all he was a retired P.E. teacher. If only Anne wasn't ill. Damn it.

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