'Giraffe executioner required for Danish

'Giraffe executioner required for Danish zoos' Agnetha Geborgen put down the Copenhagen Herald small ads section & sipped her coffee. 'Dear Whoever,' she wrote, 'I would be happy

to take a position as your Giraffe executioner. To show my qualifications I include a blueprint for my patented giraffe guillotine. The Danish Zoos Allaince hired Agnetha Geborgen

as a barrista in their Baboon Roast coffee shop. The Danish Zoo liked my giraffe guillotine, particularly because it's patented design cut the neck lengthwise. The first day

at the Danish Zoo, I wasn't too clear about the rules. Not to mention my first job. I stood there like a deer in the headlights. The owner, Mr. Brown, walked over to me and

erased my charcoal etchings. "You don't have the dignity of banana dust!" he bellowed. "I already fed the addicted elephants," I squeaked. His face reddened to an impossible shade.

But Clown Lizard Kim Jong Un II came with his army of tornadoes in all of it's might to take the dignity of banana dust.

Kim Jong Un II loved bananas. Especially his GMO ones that tasted like Munster cheese. Munster cheese reminded him of his childhood: an orangey-pale disappointment that melted.

Muenster cheese reminded Kim Jong of his first love: Rhee Wianbu...she had the stanky leg and the stinky box...a box which held all of her worldly possessions, a G-string once worn

It still beamed of trysts rendered without trust, and the scent filled him with a venereal pastiche of the scars she had left upon his masculinity and the creepings under flesh.

But it had been worth it. For every moment of pleasure, despite his life he now owed, the memory of what had happened here would last forever. She, his love, his angel of death.