He was savagely scraped by the sympathy of

He was savagely scraped by the sympathy of fate. He mistrusted mankind.

He became a crazy cat guy. You know the type: crazy, lots of cats, male. The postman knocked loudly. "Mr. Exum, your mailbox is full of cats. May I remove them?" His big mistake

was standing on the front porch when I opened the door. My cat hording came to an apex when the main pile of cats fell forward onto him, spilling outside like curdled milk.

Oy! The smell! It was sour, warm & vomity all at once, assaulting his senses as he lay beneath the pile of mewling pussies. "This is all your own damn fault!" I reminded him. "You

shouldn't have fed them that ice cream. How am I going to get rid of that smell?" The countless cats covering me started and purring and snoring. I was going to be here awhile.

I was eventually smothered to death by all the cats. My spirit melded with theirs.I was a man on the inside, but a cat on the outside.I also acquired super powers. I was CatManDo.

Even though I'd just become a superhero, my arch-nemesis CatManDon't was ready with a spray bottle. "Hiss!" I shouted glibly -- I'd have to get used to being a cat later. "Not so

Or rather I tried to. Mr. Snuffles was not having ANY of that as evidenced by the font of blood pooling in my sock. "Damn you PetSmart Adoption Center!" I cried.

There was no point in trying. Adopting a puppy at PetSmart was a more violent affair than I realized. I gave up and brought home a goldfish instead. Oh, and my blood-filled sock.