At 4 am in the morning, the riot police
At 4 am in the morning, the riot police marched up with their ballistic shields and pepper spray cannisters. The mob rushed the line. Walmart had only ten Tickle-Me Elmos.10
Most of the shoppers had pepper spray as well. Some lady with her bottom bulging out of her stretch pants fired white phosphorous from a bazooka. The shoppers trampled the Occupy10
Mall Seats protestors, who were hogging the wooden benches. Madame Stretch Pants shot down a Mall Seater in a Pier 1 bubble chair. "We must reclaim our right to lounge," she cried12
as she careened wildly through the Mall of America, spray-painting designated not-to-exceed lines on benches and placing bench hogs under citizen's arrest. When she tried to detain10
the mayer's favorite chihuahua, I decided it had been enough. I took out my Taser DeLuxe A500. It was a brandnew model, issued a week ago and I hadn't had to use it yet. I aimed10
at the yap yap but noticed the dart was in backwards. Should've read the 400 page instructions in Chinglish. Who has the time? I discharged it & got 100000 volts on my tongue & now11
all the synaptic connections in my(our) brain are perfectly parallel. Long elegant, straight, strands of neurons all flowing in the same way. My(our) brain can now understand11
signs of bodily needs. But my(our) brain is yet not capable of controlling bodily fluids or creating a stimulating fold. A double-barreled shotgun was leaning appealingly against9
Piaget's chiseled chest. Piaget said he'd push me out of my zone of proximal fold development, but first he had to get something off his chest. He put the gun down & gave me a bran10
dy. "I hate children," he said. "The way they run around randomly. They're really stupid, they can't talk properly & their writing's rubbish" With that bombshell, our tale ends.11
- 2011-11-25 09:33:34
- 2013-04-27 14:59:49
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Chaz Apr 27 2013 @ 16:39
I always suspected Jeremy Clarkson hated children.
lucielucie Apr 28 2013 @ 08:13
I was a bit puzzled by the Jeremy Clarkson reference - I didn't know it was his catchphrase. But now I do!
PurpleProf May 19 2013 @ 22:09
As I re-read this story, I can't help wondering what would happen if Madame Stretch Pants met Mr. Angry Pants.