Corky the Cockroach had a confounding conundrum.

Corky the Cockroach had a confounding conundrum. He hated germs, filth, & fouling food. While other roaches waded into the resaurant's raunchy remains, he gingerly picked pristine

radicchio. We were kleptovores, we only ate what we could steal. The excitment of evading the cops with a purloined polska kielbasa is a feeling that can't be described.

But when our escape dinghy began treading water, we were forced to eat more processed meat and duck pancreases than we had bargained for. As sharks circled our craft, we sacrificed

the elderly who were floating around us. They were going to die anyways, so we shoved them straight at the sharks. The secret I kept all this time was that........IT WAS FUN!

We drifted to a deserted island, but the since sharks ate all the elderly, the rest of us had no idea how to survive because we didn’t have our iPhones, ATM cards or the internet.

We scrambled ashore and Joanne looked around and cheerfully asked 'So where's the Wall-mart? We need a cabin or something, sleeping bags...' Her voice trailed as she watched a crab

begin to feast on one of the less-fortunate passengers who had washed up without the benefit of Joanne's eternal optimism and deep and abiding fondness for big-box stores. Jimmy

John's didn't serve such delicacies. He munched on the bloated corpse, while Joanne happily rolled down the hill in the box the refrigerator had been delivered in. Being stranded

in the highlands of Scotland would have been preferable but life choices don't always take you where you want them. Joanne climbed out of the box and skipped to a park to play.