The blonde was red ...

The blonde was red ...

that mockingbird, what an incessant chirper. The blonde left her iPod on yesterday and now the bird's singing french electronica too. She aimed a blowgun at the culprit, the fury

building as she fired the poison dart at the bird, killing it instantly. Her mission complete, the blonde picked up her ipod and went back to her tribe, hoping to seduce the

Surfmaster General of Pacific Beach. He had pecs the size of waffle irons and a harem thirty-strong. The bird-hating blonde was sure she could lure him into monogamy, if only she

could wrap her gentle arms around his waist, surely he'd see she was the woman of his dreams. Her love was all he needed, even if she was missing a leg. Together they could

hop & skip through life together. Well, just hop in her case. "I may have the body of a weak & feeble monoped," she exclaimed to him, "But my passionate heart is big enough for 2!!

"Really?" he said. "Such a cornucopia of a girl!" He stuck his hand into her chest. "No!" she cried. "Not my heart! Take anything but the heart!" He thought about that. "Okay,

" he said, drumming his fingers together in the shape of a steeple in front of his goatee. "I believe it'll be your SOUL then! Ha Ha Hahhh!" He took a small box out of his cloak

. It was bejeweled with rubies, sapphires, & emeralds. He placed it on the ground with a small golden placard which read "DO NOT OPEN." Then he walked away, giggling madly.