You love Cowboy TV because

You love Cowboy TV because

"he'll gargle my jarbles." I scribbled under the unfinished graffiti. Sure, it was immature, but I couldn't resist. I zipped up my pant and strode up to the sink. As I looked up I

saw my Gym Teacher. He made the hand signal from the "Clan of The Cave Bear." I knew what that meant so I went into the showers. He didn't see that I had brought my camera

so when he inserted himself Porky's style through the wall, I snapped the awesome blackmail photo. There was no mistaking that whistle piercing. Should be worth $100,000, I figure.

. You know the scene, the one were someone in the back of theater yells "Oh no he DIDN"T!" and you yell back, "Oh yes he DID!" Soon popcorn is flying and the ushers shine a light,

everyone stands up, the children start howling, their parents throw their hands up in frustrated anger, the tweens start texting or twittering or whatever the fuck it is they do

and the old people start throwing their dentures at the stage. And this happens EVERY SHOW! It's amazing the things that people are willing to put up with for just a little bit of

gin rummy and a whole lot of sex. The Clydesdales hadn't an inkling of the way business was run, but they were very avid cricketers, if a tad overzealous. Dentures littered the

pitch, along with a Blood Sweat & Tears album cover, a torn brassiere, and a handful of still smouldering Michelins. It had been one helluva soiree. Same time next week!