Many ignorant, uninformed people think that

Many ignorant, uninformed people think that the Earth is round, and that it orbits the sun. They are, of course, very wrong. The Earth is in fact

the giant, Behorgah lying in a great tent The tent of black silk is decorated with diamonds at night and lapis tapestry is hung in the daytime. We live in the giant's navel. Lint

cushions our footsteps and the rumbling of Begorah's stomach punctuates our days and interrupts our nights. At twilight we made our escape from his great navel by grappling up the

pubic hairs protruding from Begorah's abdomen, always in danger of being attacked by the giant's crab lice, which to us were as large as lions. When we had just escaped the navel,

At some point, I realized that I had apparently become a flea, or a dust mite, or some other unpleasant insect. Gone were the days of my youth as a software developer for the

Larvaeware Corporation. Clearly, I had outgrown that job. Now there was nothing left to do but suck dust and nibble dog's behinds. All the education for nothing! So I started a new

sex cult that included dust and the sacred nibbling of dog's butts. I was ostracized immediately. Phase one complete. I then rented an abandoned Walmart for our cult services. I or

dered 683 individually wrapped jelly beans, each one with a tiny yellow ribbon wrapped around it happily proclaiming "Jesus thinks you're just ok". My grin was so wide it hurt, and

I leapt with joy at the news! I unwrapped & consumed exactly 17 of the jelly beans, fulfilling the ancient prophecy at last. 666 jelly beans remained. And you know what THAT means.