I got down on one knee. "With this ring,

I got down on one knee. "With this ring, will you do me the honor of becoming complicit in the exploitation of destitute African diamond miners?" She blinked. "Oops, I mean

will you ..." but it was too late. The hardcore reality of what I'd said sunk home & my bride-to-be began to sob. The priest scowled at me. My truth Tourette's prevented white lies

and usually kept me from garnering invitations to fancy dinner parties. I looked at my distressed bride and awkwardly patted the top of her head. "There there...you could always

terrorize towns." My bride was not thrilled. The stitches around her neck twitched. Her neck bolts glowed. This was going to be a tough honeymoon. My flat head ached, I needed

a little jolt to keep this honeymoon on track. I nibbled her neck bolts, she twiddled mine. "Have you ever considered, um... 220volts?". "That kinky European current? What kind of

time machine do you think I am? No, my flux capacitor requires the standard 1.21 Gigawatts." I felt like I could almost see the electrons in her eyes. Our honeymoon was full of

electronic ecstasy. I could feel my circuits overloading, building to the point of possible combustion. Lightening flashed from her fingertips as our electromagnetic interactions

Took on a klingon-like tongue. I didn't know klingon, but she did know a smattering of basic phrases. This tongue licked our trash bags and ate the dead flies, then grew wings.

I milled about in the background pretty regularly throughout the winter. I told myself that if I kept my eyes closed there would be no way for them to see me. I still have a nest.

The nest is hairy and cold. They almost saw me once thank goodness for the tin foil hat that called in the aliens who are now taking to a better place. Whew!