I got down on one knee. "With this ring,

I got down on one knee. "With this ring, will you do me the honor of becoming complicit in the exploitation of destitute African diamond miners?" She blinked. "Oops, I mean

will you ..." but it was too late. The hardcore reality of what I'd said sunk home & my bride-to-be began to sob. The priest scowled at me. My truth Tourette's prevented white lies

and usually kept me from garnering invitations to fancy dinner parties. I looked at my distressed bride and awkwardly patted the top of her head. "There there...you could always

a little jolt to keep this honeymoon on track. I nibbled her neck bolts, she twiddled mine. "Have you ever considered, um... 220volts?". "That kinky European current? What kind of

time machine do you think I am? No, my flux capacitor requires the standard 1.21 Gigawatts." I felt like I could almost see the electrons in her eyes. Our honeymoon was full of

electronic ecstasy. I could feel my circuits overloading, building to the point of possible combustion. Lightening flashed from her fingertips as our electromagnetic interactions

Took on a klingon-like tongue. I didn't know klingon, but she did know a smattering of basic phrases. This tongue licked our trash bags and ate the dead flies, then grew wings.

I milled about in the background pretty regularly throughout the winter. I told myself that if I kept my eyes closed there would be no way for them to see me. I still have a nest.

The nest is hairy and cold. They almost saw me once thank goodness for the tin foil hat that called in the aliens who are now taking to a better place. Whew!