I gathered all my courage and walked up to

I gathered all my courage and walked up to his locker. "Hey, Kylie!" he said. I had fallen in love with my best friend, even though we made a promise when we were in 2nd grade that

we'd always be friends. But then Kylie Minogue pretty much dropped me as soon as her ship came in. I try to friend her on facebook but it always turns out to be someone

pretending to be her, like in the film Catfish. "Perhaps it is time to move on," I wrote in my journal. Then I drew a picture of the two of us growing old. "Fuck fuck fuck," I

began, "a duck, screw a kangaroo. Fingerbang a wallaby, an orgy at the zoo." Forgetting I was sitting in church, I now looked around at the silence I had broken, my face flushed

and I made a spastic motion to cover my affliction with zoological Tourette's. The parishoners resumed their prayers. Then my brother who has botanical Tourette's let loose with "

I'm gonna fig your daisy to the break of dawn baby! Get down and praise my ghurkin!" The shocked chuch-folk prayed ever more fervently as the priest quitely disrobed and

gave the ghurkin a jerkin' right proper. Many audience members feigned righteous indignation but the seats were full the following week for the next performance.

my ambiguously-gendered partner played Alice, the ever-efficient maid to the Brady Bunch. Our audience ate it up, not that we cared either way. Our performance art had social impli

cations,but that was put aside when 'Alice' saved the day.With his 'David Bowieish' looks,talent and charisma,he got an Obie nomination out of it but lost it to Meryl Streep.