In the morning, i decided to go picnic with

In the morning, i decided to go picnic with my friends to the beach. when, we got there we alighted from the car and we were shock to see a water dinosaur spitting poison

ous plants. "Isn't that a Lycopersicon esculentum?" said Martin showing off as usual. I said "Yeah Marty the Kronosaurus spit out a tomato plant. It'll come in handy for our picnic

." Martin looked unsure. He wasn't sure if I was joking or not. I passed him an egg and cress sandwich. I also offered a tomato but he refused stiffly. "Do you want a hug?" I asked

Martin Sheen. He smiled. Oh the fake teeth and orange tan face. The aging male celebrity is so awkward. Martin said, "No, I don't need a hug." How could I slip my hand in his pocke

t to borrow the pocket penetrometer I knew he had there in order to surreptitiously measure the stability of the soil under the Santa Barbara cliff condo? I said "Martin! Look!" An

crumble away into the raging ravine below. My breathing picked up as I begin to panic. I'll never get married or have kids, but worst of all... I'M STILL A VIRGIN!

Suddenly, I felt calm. Being a virgin wasn't so bad. I did want to experience more of life, though. Looking down into the ravine below me, I

thought it just might be more fun to get down into it rather than get down with some stinky boy. Safer, even. I adjusted the bungee cord one last time & stepped closer to the edge.

"AH!" I shrieked, someone pushed me and my bongee cord snapped! While falling I started to believe in God real quick. A hawk catched me and flung me into a boiling lake, so I died.