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'oh! A beer, a wheat ale beer. I.P.A., a drop of golden sun! Pee, a thing I do by myself, Fart, a long long smelly one, Eww! a

-n outcry of disgust. Blah, a mood of feeling low. Teat, a breast protuberance, which brings us back to--Oh, sorry." The Trapp family was not amused, so I broke into "Anal Vise."

"Every morning you greet me" I sang, "bound up tight, anal vise, I need something to free me." The Von Trapp family was really perturbed now. Maria shoved me off the piano bench

, but that didn't stop me. So what if Ms. Von Trapp didn't approve of my offbeat version of Edelweiss? Later on though she caught me singing, "How do I solve a problem like Maria?"

Mrs Von Trapp felled me with one karate chop to the neck. Yet again I'd succombed to the extreme discipline of ex-nuns. Capt Von Trapp propped me up. "I'm not a Nazi," he confided

but I really hate Jews, gays and Gypsies - well, really, anyone different from the Aryan ideal." Captain Von Trapp leaned in close and whispered "But I truly loathe the sound

of music and..." Captain Von Trapp looked around conspiratorially, "nuns." Ah. So there you have it. Cpt. Von Trapp was a double-agent & contrary to what most believe, he was evil.

It was so simple, the Von Trapp family would merrily sing from town to town. Unbeknownst to all that they were elite gestapo saboteurs. Even Maria was unaware that her charges were