It was a classic Catch22. I had contracted

It was a classic Catch22. I had contracted Legionnaire's disease at a gentleman's club, but was supposed to have been at the Admiral's Ball. Faced with a Hobson's choice of whether

To Live and Die in LA or to Never Say Never. This problem always left him ready to Scream or Drive Angry. But he resisted that because he'd have to see The Mechanic which

meant his car would be at the shop for 28 Days. He’d just taken a valium when Amelie, his Fatal Attraction, smashed his Rear Window with a Brick, shouting, “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka

". When he saw the Damage he wanted to break Amelie's Lovely Bones & backed Christine out of the Mulholland Drive. Amelie was Running Scared. She didn't want To Live and Die in L.A

, so she went to Paris, Texas and started a Risky Business: she bought Twelve Monkeys and made them do a bit of Trainspotting. Amelie quickly realized that There Will Be Blood, so

she started reeling off Oscar nominated movies. Not happy with the few she could think of, she quickly switched to movies starring Kurt Russel, like Big Trouble in Little China and

with "Maybe I'm a lion" stitched on the side. Ms. Columbia hid her embarrassment and seemed to consent to "Cpt. Ron's" date request. The Roman business meeting continued as

usual. Ms Columbia and Capt Ron snuck out of a side door while Romans with bundles of fasces discussed crossing the Rubicon. They dunked themselves in the Trevi Fountain and kissed

the past good-bye. Ms. Columbia and Captain Ron were last seen crossing a pass in the Swiss Alps, trudging happily hand-in-hand.