From jail, Lance Armstrong tweeted daily

From jail, Lance Armstrong tweeted daily that crop circles were alien messages about the dangers of GMO corn. Determined to save Earth upon his release, he rode his bike to Iowa

when his jail term was up. Lance cycled from California to Iowa with a peloton of journalists on in tow. Moxie Razzi interviewed him. "I won't stop until I see Rodney Rooters field

hockey uniform!" Lance's massive thighs quivered. Drumsticks really. They were juicy and glistening from the power cycling. Moxie Razzi just had one more question, "

Can I lick your thigh, Lance? Just the left one. Just a little bit?" "Hell yeah!" he whooped. Moxie Razzi licked and felt stupefied as the powerful stimulants seeping from his

missing testicle entered her aura. Suddenly, she could see that missing testicle's life journey and she knew. Lance looked down and he knew that she knew. He quickly backed away.

"Hey Lady, can I have my ball back?" Lance asked her, but by then she knew too much, and could not let it go. She ran to the train station as he pursued her on his bike. The 7:15

train was on time. The lady in black one-handedly grabbed the rail on the outside of the train and lept into the baggage car. Lance may never see

Lola again, but he didn't even care once he got a looky-see of the agile lady in black. She backflipped into the seat beside Lance & extended her velvet-gloved hand. "Hello! I'm

Armstrong. How could any of this be civil? Nonetheless, he scribbled it down, looking back up at his university lecturer. This was going to be a fun class.