Asked by Faux News about the likelihood that

Asked by Faux News about the likelihood that she’d become a candidate for President, the former Alaska governor and reality TV star said "Let's just say it's not too late for

frozen yogurt!" And Palin opened huge pints of Pinkberry yogurt. But the Pinkberry was poison. She was trying to kill the National press. Her plan was foiled because

Palin couldn't work the ice cream scooper. In frustration, she tried shooting the frozen yogurt container with a shotgun, figuring to pick out the shot before serving. Dippin dots

was unamused, but they couldn't ratify a policy against open firearms used in making their freeze-dried ice cream pellets without corporate knot-tying, so Sarah Palin was kept on.

treacle. Defiant, she strode up the steps of the Ben and Jerry's gift shop. Raising her AK-47 high in the air, she gave a high-pitched eagle scream. This, this was 'murica.

*LOUD MUSIC PLAYS* "And welcome to jackass".

"For our next trick, we will catapult one lucky volunteer into a nearby alligator-infested lake and drink shots of pure alcohol, but before all that we have a quick interview with

some random guy no one cares about. So, random guy that no cares about what do you do for living?" The tied up man's eyebrow arched. "Oh, so silence."

Suddenly an earthquake opened the ground &swallowed up everyone except the tied-up man who, by virtue of the earthquake, was no longer tied up. Softly sighing, he ascended skyward.