I wanted to know who kept destroying my snowmen

I wanted to know who kept destroying my snowmen so I hid a couple of cameras in the head of my latest creations. I was expecting some teenagers. I was right but they weren't human.

A murder of crows would steal the carrot nose, bread crumb mouth and pistachio eyes. Whilst picking off pieces the crows would knock my snowman over. A small boy looked out his win

dmill. How did a mini-ice age occur in Holland? The crows had ruined my snowman as I stomped my clogs. Snow sculpture was my only way to survive the tulip famine.

Scooping snow into my wooden shoes, I started building: first a wall, then another, higher & higher & before long, I had an entire hotel made out of snow in the Red Light District

which was terrible because the heat from the red lights in the district melted my hotel. But a call girl in the window saw me treading water in what used to be my foyer. She

a panty and pasty party nor a paltry pantry pastry. I needed a drink and some time to think. I pulled out of my soaked clothes and stepped into the shower. She came in to say

she was chopping up her panties to put in a pastry. Madness! I stepped out of the shower to emphasise my disapproval, slipped on the soap, cannoning us both into the bathtub. She

lost her grip both figuratively and literally. As we tumbled into the porcelain tub, our limbs tangled, and her pasty pastries plopped onto the tiled floor. I accidentally grabbed

one of her Hostess Snoballs, and in retaliation her foot jammed itself up...well, you can see for yourself, Doc. And we had to drive to Canada like his for the free health care!