At first I was conservative with my likes.

At first I was conservative with my likes. I used to hand them out very sparsely, until one faithful day the ghosts of Christmas educated me on the liberal cause. Now I hand them

Tiny Tim had it bad. He was bad a$$. And He badly needed a new do. Post modern Christmas was off with a bang. Santa's Mall candy was explosive. That would teach those naughty teen

agers to stop stealing Santa's Mall Candy. The candies also had tiny biodegradable cameras inside of them, which Santa used to spy on the children and see what they've been eating.

Turns out the cameras degraded so fast they never made it to the stomach. It had cost Santa a fortune to have the technology elves engineer them. Now he couldn't pay their salaries

And the elves we're threatening a workers union. Santa scoffed at them but deep down anxiety was clawing at his throat. He didn't know what to do if they succeeded.

He couldn't afford to pay all of the elves the minimum wage, so his present factory would be in enormous trouble if the elves unionised. Santa wrote a letter to the head of the

Reindeer Keeper's Guild, or RKG for short, asking them how they handled it when Rudolph organized the Great Reindeer Strike of 1952. But his head postman, also an elf, refused to

divulge this secret without being paid. After an untold sum changed hands, the postman elf told a horrific tale of how the elves had been forced to dress as reindeer and pull the

sled by the short hairs on their testicles. To be a Post Master Elf 1st Class, one must have an undying loyalty to misogynistic white men from Alabama. Take cover! They're coming!