I unlocked the deadbolt and peered out into

I unlocked the deadbolt and peered out into the blackness past the screen door. Something had made that noise. It was cold and I was trying to talk myself out of investigating but

I slowly lifted the latch. In a flash of lightning, I saw two dark silhouettes. I tried to close the door but it was too late. I was forced to take a Watchtower. "Hello neighbor!"

Oh God it was Jehovah Rodgers in his vest saying "Would you like to be my neighbor little girl? I should report the pervert but he is the cheapest babysitter in town and my date is

babysitting for the cheapest date in town.

"Babysitting? WHAT!!? I don't wanna!!!!" But his parents had none of it. "You are going to babysit this weekend, young man, and no parties!" And that's how

my little brother ended up dangling from the chimney in a hammock, a vodka fire started in the tub, and the flat screen got glued to the front door.With my parents gone all weekend

, I was free to destroy everything. It was like some eighties brat-pack movie party scene but without the slapstick comedy. My friend Greg brought a mini blow torch meant for caram

ex chapstick & we donned the sci dept's hazmats as we heated up the gas main under the poli building. Then we spritzed smallpox on the dean's chair. We were beyond goddamn pranks.

And well, you can probably guess the rest.Our actions transformed higher education forever and we were invited to the White House to receive Congressional Medals of Honor. Sometime