I unlocked the deadbolt and peered out into

  • I unlocked the deadbolt and peered out into the blackness past the screen door. Something had made that noise. It was cold and I was trying to talk myself out of investigating but

  • I slowly lifted the latch. In a flash of lightning, I saw two dark silhouettes. I tried to close the door but it was too late. I was forced to take a Watchtower. "Hello neighbor!"

  • Oh God it was Jehovah Rodgers in his vest saying "Would you like to be my neighbor little girl? I should report the pervert but he is the cheapest babysitter in town and my date is

  • babysitting for the cheapest date in town.

  • "Babysitting? WHAT!!? I don't wanna!!!!" But his parents had none of it. "You are going to babysit this weekend, young man, and no parties!" And that's how

  • my little brother ended up dangling from the chimney in a hammock, a vodka fire started in the tub, and the flat screen got glued to the front door.With my parents gone all weekend

  • , I was free to destroy everything. It was like some eighties brat-pack movie party scene but without the slapstick comedy. My friend Greg brought a mini blow torch meant for caram

  • ex chapstick & we donned the sci dept's hazmats as we heated up the gas main under the poli building. Then we spritzed smallpox on the dean's chair. We were beyond goddamn pranks.

  • And well, you can probably guess the rest.Our actions transformed higher education forever and we were invited to the White House to receive Congressional Medals of Honor. Sometime

  • later, all of us decided to split about, acting like complete shut-ins like we never knew each other. I ended up working at the local Walmart. What the hell is gonna happen now?



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