You are illiterate. You can register most

You are illiterate. You can register most of the words but are unable to subvocalize what an author meant to say, assuming the author actually says anything at all, which

he probably did, but it's unnerving not to know. You get along OK, pretending you know how to read and just generally nodding and going with the flow. Most situations don't require

much commitment or input. In fact most are thankful for respectful affirmation. "Uh huh" I said. He'd just proposed a wife swap. Agatha kept a clean house, but her dentures

had been permanently cemented in, so the wife swap wasn't that appealing. Why get another cow, when yours had the sweetest milk? Or something like that. He'd quit the job at Hallma

to become a fly fisherman. When he realized he sucked at tying knots, he tried dabbling in the arts of potato throwing. There was a freak accident involving his beloved wife whom

he cherished with all of his soul. She took a spud to the head, which actually INCREASED her intelligence. Unfortunately, this also caused her to become extremely picky about

her choice of literature, only reading James Joyce or, at a push, WB Yeats. She changed her name to Molly Bloom and agreed with people a lot & was generally very agreeable. Walking

beside people (never in front or behind), nodding & smiling, chatting all the while, Molly Bloom was well-liked by her literary friends. But then she started reading Nietzche.

their concerns were entirely valid. She was, she realized, actually quite, quite insane. Five years later & five bestsellers later, she laughed maniacally all the way to the bank.