The Emporer of the World looked at his day

The Emporer of the World looked at his day planner. "Item one, beatification of Pope John Paul the II, check. item two, croquet with the royals at undisclosed location, check. Next

number 7." As they passed through the trans-dimensional gate, Theodore, his favorite minion, hand fed him Algerian Wonder Grapes and shined his shoes. These are the moments that

make me regret ever having stopped huffing paint. Hallucinations really made life worth living, and if I can't go back to those times, I might as well end my life. I pulled the

Le Bron and got the hell out of there before Cleveland ruined my life and career for good, that's the

same thing Jordan would've done (I also refused to post-up and just settled for contested jumpers at the end of the shot clock... but I digress). Once I had taken my talents to

the dumpster, I no longer had any Billy Talent to listen to. I needed a clock repairman to fix the bullet hole in my clock & who better than Hermux Tantamoq, mouse extraordinaire?

Hermux had been on the run for the last four months, after being caught with Dawg's cheese, but had recently sent word of his availability. I had opened the empty-looking envelope

knowing it wasn't really empty. No, it contained a micro-micro chip which, once embedded under my skin, would inform me as to Hermux's whereabouts. The envelope smelled like cheese

. Did I want a life dominated by Hermux and Halloumi again? I embedded the chip into Nipper, my mutt's, neck for backup purposes and left on the ferry to Bergen to dive the fjords.