I'd take headphones over a concert any day,
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I'd take headphones over a concert any day, but dad wanted me to get a realer metal concert experience. A black blur, he entered my room violently enough to break the mosh barrier.
8 -
He dragged me into a beat-up convertible and brought me to a Beach Boys concert. In South America. "What's metal about this?" I asked. "It grates on the ears," my dad responded.
8 -
Finally it was time to reassess my relationship with dad. He was fat, a loud mouth and enjoyed tasting his own burps. I needed to disown him, in a major way. So I picked up the box
8 -
Filled it with natural gas remedies and weight loss remedies, and gave it to him. I was moving into my own flat that afternoon. How lucky it was the movers showed up early?
6 -
I asked them to help me move the natural gas tanks into my apartment. I was really hoping to try that remedy as soon as I could. The weight loss ones, not so much. I was a growing
5 -
pain in the side of my landlord. He despised my penchant for collecting obscure chemicals in large quantities. But I knew one of them would cure me, although most would kill me.
6 -
Then one fateful day I came home to find that he had put my entire pharmacological collection out on the sidewalk, along with my orange suede beanbag chair and my Timothy Leary
7 -
Leather Suede Divan. Suffice it to say, I wasn’t happy, specially upon seeing my Richard Pryor crack pipe in the gutter. He stood in the 2nd floor window urinating down on my stash
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. "Welp, guess I need to quit crack," I sighed, staring at the urine-soaked rock candy. I drafted a list of new possible hobbies: parasailing, model rockets, murder? I crossed out
7 -
Parasailing. I'd always hated heights. I could always murder people with model rockets? Or rob a bank and buy loads of crack. Yeah, thats it, I'll buy a bunch of crack, sell my TV.
7
- Started
- 2013-08-19 10:02:31
- Finished
- 2020-05-26 15:24:29
8 Comments
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LordVacuity May 26 2020 @ 17:23
Just goes to show that crack isn't all it is cracked up to be.
Jimbeau May 26 2020 @ 23:23
I don't know, LordVacuity, it CRACKed me up. I'm cracking. Crack. Crack. Crack.
LordVacuity May 27 2020 @ 00:40
There once was a folder named Jimbeau Who cracked like a cracker can't though. Picked the pieces up Put them in a cup Baked for 3 minutes and he's ready to go.
StigMartyr May 27 2020 @ 05:00
There once was a folder named LordVacuity Who rhymed in a flash of spontaneity He has a fine rack Smokes a bunch of crack Then disappears into ambiguity
LordVacuity May 27 2020 @ 20:37
BTW, I've have been more than once. I've been several times just as I've been writing this.
Woab May 28 2020 @ 15:42
There once was a folder, StirMartyr, Who wrote funny folds, for a starter, I found him in Dorset Wearing a corset and smiling like President Carter.
Woab May 28 2020 @ 15:45
There once was a folder named Woab Who mis-typed names and was sorry. She also wanted to rhyme Lynda Carter But couldn't because it didn't fit the rhythm scheme. Shoot.
SlimWhitman Jun 02 2020 @ 09:22
There once was a folder named MoralEnd whose folds were often twisted or off the deep end. Sometimes his lines undermine the story's designs but often his wit caught a spark and it lit this number one folder really had grit.