Happy at last to be leaving Vermont, Dave

Happy at last to be leaving Vermont, Dave was stunned to find that ten feet beyond the state line, the road ended in a grove of pine trees, not a smidgen of asphalt to be seen for

ever."This must be it then," thought Dave. He was glad he'd had his attorney change his will only last week. He was leaving his billions to the local chapter of Knitter's Anonymous

fist and waited for the casket to open. Dave savagely attacked the undertaker and commandeered a panel truck. His plan to sneak back into the country as a corpse was working

up to a point. But to drive over the border, he had to drill holes for his eyes, arms & feet in the coffin. He didn't have the necessary torpor the dead are famous for. So Dave

ate an extra-large cheese-stuffed crust pizza and laid in the coffin. The high-powered cholesterol shelacked his nerves and he looked dead. But at the border there was trouble.

The customs officer was suspicious about the hearse headed for Tijuana &asked the driver to open the coffin. "Have you got a death certificate for... Hey, that's Chucky Cheese!

Proper protocol went out the window as the officer & several of his pals took pics with the giant mouse corpse. An hour later we were at Tijuana's Casa De Funeral with Mr. Cheese

saying our respects when the "zebra" well, donkey spray painted like a zebra we'd seen down the street bursted through the door screaming about sugar gliders and the disrespect he

decided to down the rest of the cheap Tequila, buy the rest of my contraband Marlboros, pack up his Yugo and kiss Tijuana goodbye. Let's bolt, little SugarGlider.