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With the return of magic, my Latin knowledge

  • With the return of magic, my Latin knowledge proved useful - my heady command of the subjunctive and result clauses allowed me to conjure with facility. I quickly rose in the

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  • ranks among the other Red Wizards at the Vatican, where I was put in charge of the Vatican Secret Archives. Translating the ancient spells in Latin allowed me to gain control of

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  • the international shadow banking system -- for about 20 minutes. The ISBS has built in mechanisms, and it transforms in response to intrusions such as mine. My Vatican days were

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  • my salad days. The food. The food is the best. When you're the pope you have access to the most tantalizing morsels this planet has to offer. There's a kind of pancake that can

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  • taste like delicious rainbows or dead ghosts depending on your tasted, but the pope's favorite food was the succulent crisp ketchup on moose-flavored ice cream. This, of course

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  • , isn't on the menu at the Vatican which is more of a basic pizza & pasta outfit. The world's first Canadian pope could only find crisp ketchup w/ moose ice cream in a dingy bar on

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  • the edge of the lake. But that was okay, as Pope Colin preferred ketchup to poutine. He was a leader of economic as well as spiritual affairs, and a master of improvisation. When

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  • He did stand up comedy, he was funnier than his less religious cohorts. It was God's gift, he said when asked about it by his followers, who were known for naked charity bike rides

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  • through congested rush hour traffic in Downtown Amishburg, not affiliated with The English. Then one day I woke up and I was doing sit down comedy and an old folks home. Everybody

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  • asks me how on Earth did I do an old folks home. Very slowly, I tell them. Bada boom.

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6 Comments

  1. Woab Feb 10 2017 @ 15:23

    *ducking as Futique throws things at me*

  2. LordVacuity Feb 10 2017 @ 15:26

    Sorry, I guess I don't know my own strength. I thought I was only tossing them to you.

  3. LordVacuity Feb 10 2017 @ 15:29

    As if Trump would allow a Canadian Pope.

  4. LordVacuity Feb 10 2017 @ 15:29

    Sorry, so called Canadian Pope.

  5. KieferSkunk Feb 10 2017 @ 15:51

    Hey, don't be dissing the Canadian Pope, eh!

  6. LordVacuity Feb 10 2017 @ 16:04

    Sorry, the so called Canuckistani Pope.

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