if i had a million dollars

if i had a million dollars

it would for sure be stolen, and I would be running from the police. But if I had a million five-year-olds, I would invade Florida. There I would set up a kingdom of my own called

The Land of Dairy Queen. There would be like a river of chocolate sauce, and canyons made of ice cream capped chocolate cliffs. I would run naked through the marshmallow jungle

, sliding in the gooey white fluff, as it mushes under my bare feet and in between my toes. I'd duck under the low-hanging limbs of graham-cracker trees & then ask for s'more

." The kid sitting around the campfire sat mesmerized by the image, unable to respond. Then the fat kid named Teddy cried, "I want to go to S'moreland! F*ck this church camp!"

Sister Maria gasped. "Fat Teddy! We don't use that kind of language at Our Mother of Heavenly Mercy's Camp for Plus-sized Children! Get in the hole you little bastard!" Fat Teddy

It pissed him off that she got so turned on by golf. "I'm just TRYING to have a relaxing afternoon, here, Sister Maria. All that moaning is really getting to be

annoyingly attractive!" Sister Maria blushed & tried to suppress her ecstasy as she birdied the 11th hole. At the 18th it was all out of hand & they ran naked to the nearest bunker

where the atom bomb decimated the convent. Luckily the nuns survived in their bunker where they stored lots of canned hominy, because nuns are freakin' crazy about hominies.